Don't rewrite the narrative

Recently I had the opportunity to pick up my little brother and spend several hours chatting.  During the course of our discussion he mentioned that he'd recieved this advice from a friend,  "Don't rewrite the narrative."

This advice was given in reference to second guessing memories during the revisiting of those memories.  I think this is something all of humanity does at some point in their lives, and perhaps some of us do it more often than others.  We think back on an experience that we liked or disliked and ruminate on why it happened.  And in the course of this practice, we rewrite the narrative of what actually happened or why it happened or how it could have been prevented or made better.  

I don't know about you, but when I do this practice, I rarely come out of it feeling better about myself or my role in the memory.  Even when it is a great memory.

Questions like, "Was I the only one who felt this way?", "Is that what they meant?",  "Did they interpret that they way I meant it?", begin dancing around the memory.  And their dance alters the the rhythm of the memory.  This becomes the fodder for insecurities, fear, sadness and other strong emotions to begin to hijack the memories and rewrite the narratives.  

I don't like rewiting the narratives.  It isn't a kind self-practice and it also damages relationships because we place our falsely developed assumptions on others.  But stopping can be a challenge, too.

So what can be done?

Pause.

I think pausing is one of the greatest and simplest ways to stop the hijack. Breathing and reminding ourselves not to rewrite the narrative.  Reminding ourselves that we did the best we could with what we knew at the moment and being confident that it was enough. 

People and their actions are made up by millions of variables.  There is no way to predict or determine which variables  impacted a specific situation.   So we shouldn't try to do this to our memories.   Instead,  we should just be kind to ourselves and others and believe that we're all doing the best we can.  And then - move on to make new memories.